Sunday, July 27, 2014

a time and a place

I teach 4th grade, at a year round elementary school in Utah. I love my job (most days), and the year round schedule is the greatest thing on planet earth. Teach 9 weeks, get 3 weeks off. Genius. I just love it...

Except for the entire month of June. It's kind of horrible. I mean, I love the tiny humans, and we do some wicked fun activities, but the month of June, when every other student on planet earth is on vacation? It's rough.  

There was one particular day towards the middle of June when these little ones were acting more like psycho non-human-beings that were trying to drain me of all sanity. I finally had to throw out the math lesson and have a little Come-to-Jesus meeting with them. We talked about the on-going headache I had been experiencing, the lack of patience we all had, and the fact that we were literally still in school for 3 more weeks, and I needed them to chill out so no one died. We talked about having fun, and making the last few weeks memorable, and how that would be much more enjoyable than having their teacher go certifiably insane. I kept saying there was a time-and-a-place for their lunacy, crazy outbursts, and hyperactivity, and that we all needed to work together. It was beautiful.
For like 3 hours.

I kept saying 'Guys, time and a place, come on! Time and a place!" and I made the face that looks just like the weary/tired emoji. -------->

After saying that exact phrase multiple times over the next day or so, one kid said "Why do you keep saying that? What does time-and-a-place even mean?!" (he said this quite dramatically, mind you, it was probably one of my favorite moments, ever)

Hanging my head in defeat, I threw another lesson out the window (this time reading) and we had what I like to call an "Un-Common Core" lesson (that is for all my teacher friends...don't even get me started). We talked about appropriate behavior and how some actions are allowed in situations where at other times they aren't. We talked about different examples in the classroom, as well as in everyday life. My favorite examples of inappropriate behavior they came up with were: 
1. "I probably shouldn't sing Let It Go during sacrament meeting, my mom looked at me so mad!" 
2. "Like when Jaxon was talking like Elmo during the fraction activity last week?" 
3. "When my sister started rolling on the floor at the dentist office. Ummmm, awkward!"

Yes. Kind of. Good work tiny ones. 

It was a great real life moment for the kiddos and I. We made an agreement, and I'm happy to report that "time-and-a-place" was all I had to say for the remainder of the year in order to get my class to a semi normal, yet workable state. 

Luckily July 3rd came (yes, we are in class until JULY 3rd!) no one poked their eye balls out, and there were even tears of parting on the last day of school...but for weeks I haven't been able to get that question out of my head: "What does time-and-a-place even mean?!"

I've been asking myself that and trying to apply it to my life.  It's one of those concepts that on any given day I can totally understand and appreciate, and then 4 hours later, I'm throwing my hands up in the air in complete exasperation. #typicalgirl

For the past 7 months I have found myself really struggling with this. I was going through some weird emotional turmoil, convincing myself daily that I was happy, but living with a broken heart and not attempting or knowing how to fix it. 

So I packed up my bags, (literally) and filled up an entire 10 foot Uhaul (real life tetris people), and moved.... again. (I am 3 for 3 when it comes to moving in January, sheesh). This move did not come easy, I uprooted my life a little bit. I left my friends, my church calling, people I loved, and a life I was comfortable with. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do, and there was a part of me that hated the other part of me for doing it...Lots of tears, insecurities, not knowing anyone, and feeling rejected by people I had once confided in and felt so close to, and suddenly being overwhelmed with that feeling unimportance. 

It was a weird few months...but when it comes down to the facts, there is a time and a place for everything, right? And as much as I hated closing one chapter, it was time. It was time to worry about me, my sanity, and my happiness. It's been a struggle, but luckily (with time) this struggle, and this next chapter is turning out to be pretty okay too. 

I think about the opportunities and situations I have found myself in over the past several months, and am grateful for that leap of faith I sometimes have in not knowing that it is in order to make other things possible. I'm genuinely grateful for my struggles, and the lessons I have been able to learn... even if they were suuuuuuuuper sucky in the process. There is so much that God has in store for each of us, but it's hard to even comprehend the possibility of something good when we only focus on the bad, especially when we close ourselves off to only the timing that WE feel is best. Things will happen in their time, and in their place, there is no sense stressing, and no sense being unhappy if we can just stop and realize that the now is good too. So here's to 1986, and all of its wisdom,

Life sure has a way of breaking us if we let it, I'm happy to report I'm embracing the here and the now. Because THIS is the time, and THIS is the place. #accidentalbrighamyoungquote #imkeepingit

PS. Cheers to the tiny humans who give me a headache far too often, yet allow me to feel needed, loved, and help me ponder life's simple lessons. 

PSS. I feel like it would be blasphemous if I posted without a Jason Mraz moment... so here. Don't worry, it's super applicable, at least in my brain...